Consequences of Sacrifces

Good evening all,

It has been too long since my last post, my sincerest apologies. However, tonight that will change. I was meaning to make a video of this, but since that failed on me I will say what I need to here and let it have the same effect.

First and foremost, happy holidays everyone. Enjoy this time to be with your families, friends, and celebrate your freedom to do so as I, as well as many others, am spending it away from home and would give anything to be in your shoes to cherish those moments. All I ask is you do it in your life for those of us who cannot. Which will lead me into my nice trolling rant. If none of you know by now, I am an active duty service member in the United States military. I am now stationed overseas away from my family, my friends, the country I know and love, away from everyone and everything I have grown up around and cherished in my life. I have been out here just over seven months now, and they have been the worst but most interesting seven months of my life, to say the least. I've made quite a few friends by now and not only would I give my life for anyone of them because they serve in the same uniform right next to me, I've grown to love them as my sister or brother and a friend. It really hurts me to see any of them in pain: anger, sorrow, loss of loved ones. To me, one of the most painful things I have seen in my life is the cries of a Marine upon hearing the loss of a loved one and being stationed so far away from home. It angers me even more to see family of one of my fellow Marines not only turn their backs on them, but then publicly humiliate them on their own Facebook page. This, my friends, is only the beginning.

Two sisters, 37 and soon to be 21, acting worse then my 3 year-old nephew on his bad days, to their Marine sister who is stationed out here and has become one of my friends. She paid $2,200 and used her own leave days to fly home and be with her family during the Thanksgiving holidays. Now, just the other night, out of the blue, one sister posted the most rude and uncalled for super long post on her Facebook wall. Not in a message, not in an email, but publicly on her wall for everyone to see. The things I read in that message not only made me angry, but offended me as a fellow service member. Telling her that she should appreciate the fact she got to come home. I'm fairly certain she appreciates the fact she has the ability to, unlike those who are deployed to Afghanistan, but you should be more appreciative that she spent that amount of her own money to do 20+ hours of flight time to spend time with you during the holidays. Then her other sister does something similar, with an even worse choice of words. To any person who thinks what we go through are the "consequences" of joining the military, you are a very uninformed person and I personally would like to put my boot in your face. Try and tell me, or any other person fighting for your freedom, that being thousands of miles away from home is a consequence. That getting to talk to your loved ones even once a week at best, or being deployed out in the worse environments physically and not even getting to talk to their families for months at a time, fighting a war people don't acknowledge, witnessing their brothers and sisters in arms dying each day for your freedom to sit there and bitch openly, vote, love and marry whoever you want, have a job, raise a family, read a book, play video games, very mundane tasks that the majority of the population take for granted and don't view as being free, try and tell them these are the consequences they pay for serving our country. I think I speak not only for myself, but everyone in the service and the supporting families, friends, citizens of America, that these are not consequences but sacrifices. Learn the difference. Yeah, anyone who has my Facebook page and looks daily will see my rants, bitches, moans and complaints about my life in the military over here. I won't lie, most of the time it flat out sucks for reasons a lot of people cannot fully understand unless they've been in my position. But even if I were in college in the states with a part time job doing what the hell ever, I would still have my bitches, moans and complaints like every other person in society does. We vent when shit happens. Doesn't mean I absolutely hate my life to the point I can't keep moving forward or regret my decisions. Some of the greatest people I've met and greatest times I have had are because of my decision to enlist. There is no better feeling than to put a uniform on and stand tall. It's back and forthon loving and hating, like anything else in the world. I would like to see those two step in their sister's shoes for even a day and deal with what we do on a daily bases. We get told to act like adults and then get treated like children. We take orders from people younger/less intelligent/lacking in leadership/immature/what have you than us and expected to obey without hesitation. We work long hours and don't get paid any over time (given we're on a salary, and not a very good one but it's a paycheck) or get any compensation at all, at that. We wake up in the morning long before the sun is even up to run and work-out by someone else's pace and by what they want to do, with no say in what would benefit the individual...just to name a few things. Yeah, this is what we signed up for, but as misleading as most everything is, no one ever tells you these things before hand so in all actuality, it isn't what we signed up for. I know I didn't sign up to wake up at 4am almost every morning to run several miles or to sit at a desk all day and do paperwork. I signed up to do cool shit that most people automatically associate with the military. But there are jobs to be done, as boring and tedious as they may be. So we suck it the fuck up and go on with our lives, doing what we have to and making do with what we have.

Now, steering this back onto another point. One sister told my friend that she wasn't a Marine, she was just a little kid...really? Who the hell is she to say she is not a Marine? What title does she hold to tell anyone in a uniform, who goes through their respective boot camp and training, that they are not what they have earned? I'm pretty damn sure her cammies say "US Marines" on them. That she gets paid by the Department of Defense and is legally own by the government as a United States Marine. She went through 13 weeks of hell and earned her title and the Eagle, Globe and Anchor we wear over our heart every day in our uniform. No matter what you say or do, you can never take that away from her and I challenge you to even try and become what this woman has. Then if she can't do that, at best, I think her sister needs to take a look in the mirror and see who the little kid is. How childish is it to post such things publicly, name calling, threatening very stupid things and bitching about something that has no real point other than just to bitch? At least this, my whole rant, it has a point. To make others aware of the pathetic waste of carbon people like you are and that our service members don't always get the respect they deserve, even from people in their own families. I can't even imagine how I would feel it either of my sisters said those things to me and did what those two did to their sister. It would really break my heart and put me in a bind. I'd find myself asking why I'm serving when the people I love and held in my heart, sworn to protect, hated me and didn't support what I did, wouldn't even call me a Marine. It's a title that can never be taken away, and I want you to know that I am proud to call you my sister, if you're reading this.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but always remember why you have the freedom to say what you want, believe what you choose and think freely the way you do, and remember the people who are defending that freedom. Think twice about what you say to someone, because you could lose someone dear to you and regret it in the end. I will close with one last thing before I make this into a full fledged rant and it loses its point. Thank you to everyone who has served, is serving and intends to serve our country. Semper Fi.

-T'Ford

Stand By

Good evening, interwebz. Just wanted to give a quick update on what to be expecting over the next few weeks. I'm finally getting around to typing up my journal entries and poems from boot camp. I haven't decided if I am going to put the journals up here, since it is the mind of T'Ford still, just while going through 13 weeks of Hell, or make a separate blog itself attached to this one. Either way, be on stand by and keep an eye out for them. Also, I've been writing a lot more lately and have been updating my Silent Chat blog. So if you get bored or just want to, go over and check it out! Until next time!

-T'Ford

A Minute

Alas, all my friends and family of the interwebz, it has been a minute since my last post. For that I am sorry, but as some of you know, I've been gone for a while pursuing my dream of being a part of the few and proud, a United States Marine. I've gone through 13 weeks of hell, a month in the field and am now currently at my MOS school. Yes, I have quite a few stories to share and at some point will have them posted for all to read and laugh at with. For now, I just wanted to put up a little brief note stating that I am alive and well, and will be back with more of my witty blog entries. Especially being here, I will have many more stories to add on to my collection of tales to tell. So *waves to all* Stand by.

-T'Ford

Alphabetamathematics

Inspired by a  friend and Mrs. Johnson, my Algebra II/Pre-calculus teacher

It has occurred to me that over the years, more and more people begin to dislike any form of mathematics (mostly when it gets into more advance stages, but then again what qualifies as advanced since each year is more in depth and elaborate on the things you learned the previous year? It seems as though everything is advanced compared to the last).  I myself used to be one of those people, until I took physics anyway, and can still empathize at times with the confusing equations, formulas to memorize for different applications of math, and most of all remembering to do the basic math and not over look it in that jumble of a mess we call “showing our work.”

All through elementary school I was a genius at math.  Though, then again most kids in elementary school besides the bullies are genius (mommy and daddy must be so proud! *sob* Our baby is four and can repeat that 2 + 2 = 4)…(unless of course we have larger values of two, and get an answer of a lesser value, or one equal to, of 5, such as 2.5(2) = 5…that’s the same as 2.5 + 2.5, ftr).  For some people, you’re already lost.  Ok, for most people, but I am not here to confuse you…well, not entirely.  But getting back on track and avoiding tangents (which tangents and variables in math are when everyone gets screwed), I was a genius in math back in the good ol’ days of grade school, on the elementary level.  Math and English (of course, back then it was divided into reading and writing) were especially my forte.  I had a 9^th grade vocabulary and reading level in 4^th grade, though was lazy and hated A.R. as a requirement, but that’s another story.  In math, I was rather advanced and often times got bored with class because it felt redundant and lacked any reason why I would ever need it except to show up the next kid.  Now, before I’m called a show off and made to seem like I’m bragging, this is just background information to give you an idea for what’s coming, and nothing more.

Through teacher recommendation and parental approval, I was placed in Advanced Math courses in Jr. High.  So after the first week, when you virtually have no work and you are just getting accommodated with your classmates and teacher, we hit the books and reviewed our basics we learned all through elementary.  That was maybe two weeks of class.  After that, I was lost.  THEY PUT LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET WITH THE NUMERIC SYSTEM!!! What…The…Hell?!?! That is just straight up, classic WTF with a side of ZOMG, Really?!  This, ladies and gentlemen, confused the hell out of me.  Now everyone has heard the classic saying of “letters and numbers were created in two different systems for a reason” to justify why they suck at math, well I have only one thing to say to this: IT’S TRUE!  I mean, honestly, have you ever wondered what ancient Greeks, Romans, Turks, Egyptians, etc etc did for entertainment, or rather to pass the time when there was lack thereof?  They sat around and thought this shit up.  Pythagorean Thorium, Pascal’s Triangle, and every other formula, simple, advanced or wtf out there.

However, slowly through the three years of Jr. High I was able to understand and learn bits and pieces of things, but not quite the genius I was when letters got thrown into things.  Understanding formulas where letters were simply variables for numbers you get out of the problem itself--that was fine and dandy, but solving for X?  I was still a goner.  Finally, somewhere during my sophomore year it finally clicked, just to figure out that solving for variables was to be added into my basic math essentials.   The problems would get much more difficult, and require certain laws and techniques depending on which aspect of math this particular problem applied to.  Right triangles, squares, circles, some other abstract concept that you still wonder why you needed to learn this and use it in the real world where you’re job isn’t relative to math (unless of course it is, where even then we have computers, calculators and software that will do virtually everything for you).   Needless to say, since I understood the basic variable solving, the rest started coming just as easily to me as it once did as a young kid.  Now, I did have a few places where one method I was taught didn’t stick, but I eventually learned it another way and caught on.  I was starting to like math again, but only when I was in math class, because outside of class it was just too much work for no real reason.  But as soon as a person gets used to one thing, it almost always changes.

My senior year in pre-calculus was rather easy.  Not sure if it was because I had the same teacher the previous year for Algebra II, or because she is just a damn good teacher either way.  There were two, possibly three sections I didn’t fare so well on, but made my way through it.  Towards the very end of the year, when things were supposed to be getting easier and I was getting closer to graduating, the worst possible thing that could happen, happened.  They added punctuation to math.  I had the same WTF episode as before and nearly flipped out.  Was this a math class or a 1337 (leet, for those of you who don’t know) learning class?  What, are we making sentences now and learning how to be undetected with hacking and sharing that information with other hackers from the bots from the early days of the interwebz?  What is this, really?  But alas, I was lost then, and never really had the motivation to get unlost.  To this day, I only have a brief understanding of that particular section, and am still a bit confused.  This is why math is such a wonder, joy and enemy of mine.  It’s rather like women—confusing as hell, never really get it but you can grasp a brief understanding and spend your whole life trying to figure it out, but it only gets more complicated.  A joy because I understand most of it, a wonder because of how complex but simple it can be, and an enemy because of how advanced and puzzle like it gets the more I learn. 

…Yep, exactly like women.

-T'Ford

That One Blog Entry That Is Meant To Be From The Heart And Less Sarcastic

As per request of my favorite, eldest sister, who just couldn't live without her own Mind of T'Ford blog entry (mind you, I attempted to explain it generally isn't a good thing to be mentioned here), I finally decided to dedicate an entry to the people I love and are very important in my life, and let's face it, my favorite people.

The Sis

Of my two sisters, my eldest one Amanda, is there more, treats and respects me better and has done a lot more for me. Not saying my other sister is bad, I do love her and she's had her share of being there for me, but when all else fails Amanda is there. We just have this bond that goes deeper than just sisters. Just as she's been there for me, I have done it in return. I always asked, and still ask, myself what I could ever offer being roughly 12 years younger to be the person she will come to in times of need. Still don't understand it, but fact of the matter is we just have that bond, that trust to be able to go to each other when we need. It's reassuring and quite nice to have someone like that. There's so much to say, not enough words to say it all. I love her to death, and would always make the trip to see her no matter how far we may be apart in life.

Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, time to show no mercy. This sister has given birth to the most adorable, and my favorite of all nephews. Maybe it's because he doesn't talk back and is so mellow around me. And then, who loves to remind me that I lost the game every 5 minutes even though I play in god mode? Who tells me they are always going to slap my lips, when indeed I've already used my pimp hand on hers? (I'm going to get a lip slapping for that) And who makes me perfect tacos and perfect bacon? Who likes to wake me up at 8 or 9 am on a Saturday scratching my back? Who do I predict to have twins despite what the sonograms show? (I'll get my lips slapped for that, too) That would all be my lip slapping, perfect taco and bacon making, currently penguin wobbling, loving, awesome, sexy sister! But for real...she does make perfect tacos and bacon. She is the best and without her, I don't know where I'd be or who I would be, or who would have even bothered to be there and help me before other people as loving, caring and forgiving as she is came into my life. Screw the half sister BS. You're my sister and I love you no less.

The Mops

Words cannot express the depth of my love, appreciation, admiration and naturally, love for this woman. She's done so much for me without ever having to, nor even bother giving a damn about me. I was just another kid, bitching and whining and being a pain in the ass. But she saw something more, she saw potential (and my limitless supply of cookies), and while I'm not sure what all she saw other than that, she had hope for me. She's done so much for me and made such a difference in my life in such a short amount of time, it's insane. I don't know how she does it all, and I'm not just talking about putting up with my crap (which is too much for anyone to have to deal with, especially not getting paid, benefits or a retirement plan...must be the cookies), but putting up with that AND doing a million and fifteen thousand other things in her own life. This is where not only the appreciation and love comes in, but the admiration. She is in fact, the most inspiring person in my life and a wonderful role model. She also makes me laugh among other things...oh, and I can blame just about anything on her and she takes it. Masochistic...I like it (checks her six for the flipper). I could go on all day about this incredible woman, but I bug her everyday about it and most people already know what she means to me so I'll cut it short.

The Pops

Simple fact about me: I'm a bastard. Truth be told, my biological father is not the same as my older sisters' father. While he's been in my life best he could given some circumstances, there has always been a void and a real touchy subject to approach with me about my father. I never truly felt I had someone there, to fill that void and look up to as a father who could be there because he wants to be, to love me, to be there for me and much more. Then, I met the Izzywizzy, or as many know him by, Isealdor. Way back when...ok, two years ago (seems like forever and a day), we met and talked nights when the insomnia had kicked in. He was just Is back then. Very smart man, caring, loving, wise, patient (only when he's had his coffee), entertaining, and a whole lot more, and only for $19.95 with this special TV offer! Yes, I will admit he has his days where he can be a bit of a butt and teasing more than normal, but that's his job as my Pops, and possibly because I joke and tease him near constantly...I like the first reason better. I never realized or considered him ever being a father figure, until after some months I became like one of his own and noticed that he was more than just a role model. He was more like a father, and since the bond has just grown. He loves me even though I end up taking so much out on him, also puts up with my crap and has done, and still does, so much for me in such a short amount of time. He's filled a hole no one else ever has been able to, and I also love, appreciate, and admire him from every corner, crevice, top and bottom of my heart. By the way, Pops, if you're reading this, you still owe me a damned game of gin!

Brownie

I. Freakin. Love. This. Chick. Nuff said.

Ok, so even though that is enough said, I'm still going to say more because she deserves it, damnit! She makes me laugh, smile, will scritch the ears and tie them together with hair ties, and listens to me when no one else is available. If I could run away and steal the snow from her, I would. If I could nom her arm and eat grilled cheeses in her face, I would. If I had to get Mops to remind me to breathe constantly, I would. If I could stay up late nights to party, watch movies, or be a friend, I would. If I could blabber on like an idiot for no reason other than to praise and lurves my Brownie, I do..erm, would. Yeah. Simply said, I love my Brownie and life wouldn't be the same without her.

Mama V

In the year and half I've known her, life has been interesting and fun. I enjoyed her class, learned quite a bit, and got to know her slightly better. She's listened and helped me through some things, and even now helping me through a tough time. I'm that random, adopted kid that is a pain in the ass, but you can't love any more or less if I were different. I'd jump through flaming cheerios for my Mama V; I love helping out with anything I can to try and repay her for the help she's giving me, and to make her hectic life just that much easier. But alas, I cannot disclose any more information. Awesomeness can't be described via the interwebz.

Who Else?

This damn list goes on too long, so maybe I have a lot of favorites. Nothing wrong with that, means there is a good number of smart, intelligent, good and amazing people out in the world. Just to go through the list of names of other people who I love, appreciate and admire: Rachel, Jordan, T-Dawg (hogan), Az, Padre, Bubble Gum, Tati, Kimmy, Doni, my ebil twin brother, Cortni, Bethany, and my awesome pet rock, Hippie. List of people who are awesome friends and I love (sorry guys, you're special but the above mentioned people are more special to me for various reasons, nothing personal against you): Ren, Jack, Mike, Adara & Gorath (they rock my socks, btw), and...oh to hell with this, there are too many names to list. Let's put it this way, if you're my friend and not just a random acquaintance, you're pretty special. I feel bad for not listing all the names, but just know I'm not forgetting anyone. Jerry Springer just has my attention right now because I'm rotfling pretty hard at the stupid people. Makes me feel good about myself.

In short, I love everyone, even if I don't like 99% of people. To be in that 1% of people I like AND love, isn't the greatest accomplishment in the world by no means, but to some people it's something, and I'm grateful you people love me, too. If you haven't noticed, I didn't exactly plan this entry out, it's all tip of the tongue and impromptu. So don't hate on the horrid grammar and sentence structure, the redundant and not so entertaining paragraphs. It's from the heart! ...and a mix of 2 days worth of sleep deprivation, being commanded to write a new entry now, stressed, writer's block and enjoying tomato soup while watching Jerry Springer.

In Closing...

I love you guys, and life would suck without each and every one of you. Thank you for everything you have done, are doing, and will do. Thank you for the opportunity to know you and be apart of your lives, as you have been apart of mine. Thanks for the great times, the memories, and pushing through the suck with me. Thanks for being there for me, helping me, putting up with my crap. Thank you for being an inspiration, a role model, and filling the voids in my life. Thank you all, for everything.

-T'Ford

A Piece of My Collapsing Mind

Usually I would save posts like this in the Silent Chat blog of mine, since that is more of my ranting and useless, not so funny and amusing, and personal space to write than this one.  But alas, since this technically is the Mind of T'Ford, and this is something that's moving along in my head, I thought I would share it here.  Don't expect much humor or much entertainment, but expect utter confusion and endless sentences from this piece of my mind that I am sharing with you...a piece of a shattering and collapsing mind.

The past few days have been just eh for me.  I've been feeling down, for no apparent reason I can see, off like a part of me is a blur invisible person and the other half is that down-moppy person everyone is seeing.  Nothing has been able to really cheer me up.  It all really started Thursday night after I got home from a pool function at the recruiting office.  It was murder that night since we were looking for a new guide as our current one is shipping out in a couple of days.  A couple of times I got my ass handed to me and struggled a bit to keep up, but I kept up and didn't quit.  With how much PT we got, I was very proud of myself for pushing and not giving up.   This was a major accomplishment for me.  I felt proud and limped around, feeling sore and looking like I just got run over with pride.  I come home, and talk about it with some friends, telling them everything we did and how I felt because I did it, and I immediately got shot down.  It was a "Ok?  Who cares?"  type of thing.  That hurt.  Since that moment, I haven't brought myself up in a better mood.  I know I should still be proud and accomplished and that no one should take that away from me, but hearing it from friends just really crushed me.  Is it going to be the same thing when I graduate boot camp?

Next is the parental unit.  We've not been seeing eye to eye as of late, and I've had to bite my tongue on a couple of occasions.  I love how parents will always tell you, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" yet they don't follow it not a damn bit.  They'll sit there and tell you every vulgar and derogatory thing they can, just to either piss you off or displace their emotions on you.  Times like this, I wish you would have gone through with the abortion so you can stop throwing it in my fucking face when you're drunk beyond recognition.  You must think I'm joking when I say I'm never coming back when I gone?  You are in for one hell of a rude awakening.  Karma, bitch, Karma.

After that is just my insecure feelings with certain people and our relationships.  I know it's not what I think it is, but I can't help but feel slightly abandoned and now detached.  It's not their fault, it's mine.  I'm just insecure about opening up to people anymore, and those that I have already I'm retracting from.  They say the world is just cold and cruel, but it's not.  The world is peaceful and calming, it's the mass imperfection of idiots and self-centered jackasses that make it seem so cold and not a place anyone wants to live in.  Some people...actually, most...are a waste of carbon.

As it stands now, I'm going to keep walking down my path and doing what I do best, reaching for my goals.  If anyone still cares, there are ways to reach me.  I bid you all a good evening, for now.

-T'Ford

 

They Call Me T'Ford

That's right, the one and only T'Ford. The person who can be funny, sarcastic, truthful and a bitch all in one sentence. Point proven.

Some of you may know me, most of you will not. A lot of you will think you know me, but only two people in the entire world know me near head to toe. Several of you have spoken to me, or socialize in some way (mostly being the internet), while there are some that can claim you know me both online and IRL. That however serves no purpose because I'm not really popular among crowds online or off. I just have to pretend sometimes to boost the self-esteem. (T.T)

So as Christmas is around the corner, and New Years is only a few doors down after that, I have been thinking about my last New Years Resolution. I probably kept to it for about...a day. I told myself I would be nicer to people, then it condensed down into "I will try to be nicer." Now it's something to the extent of "People? I hate people." I have finally decided I'm not even going to try to please everyone, nor much of anyone. In fact, fuck them. Instead, I am going to be more of myself, more of what makes me the T'Ford. My New Years Resolution is going to be "Just be yourself. Be T'Ford."

I can already tell a lot of people are going to have to back up from me because this is going to come as a shock and one rude fucking awakening. This is going to happen to the people who think they know me, but really don't (primary people who talk to me often online and think they know everything there is about T'Ford). People IRL are going to say "YAY!!!! She's back from the dead!" and throw a big party. The Bible Humping Christians are going "fuuuuck." The Mormons are thinking "why does Polygamy have to be illegal?" And the whole city is about to collapse. The two who know me better than I know myself are going "as long as you don't break our rules or the law, have fun....(what are we supposed to do?)" and in the long run I will probably see the front, back, side, middle, corner, toes, webbing and rubber soul of a flipper. That's how things work out nowadays. Story of my life.

My new mottos for this rebirthing of T'Ford are "It'll/I'll/You'll (they're interchangable) be alright" and "I juuusssst doooon't giiiiive a fuuuuck!" Which are better used in context than as a generalization. I do give a fuck about some things, and not everything will be alright. This is why they call me T'Ford. Well, actually they call my T'Ford because my last name doesn't really go with anything, flow off the tongue and can be pretty gay at times because it's so dull. Whatever.

I'm T'Ford, and this has been your daily dose of nothing important and what is probably a waste of 5 minutes compared to that essay of yours you haven't even started yet. Procrastination....ahh, one of my best qualities and favorite things to do. That's a story for next time. And until then, I bid you all a Happy Holiday and a Merry New Year.

-T'Ford